Thursday, April 16, 2009


I know a lot of people won't agree with me. I am sorry and certainly not saying this right at all.
It is just my thoughts and not a criticism.

People assume a western foster home will take better care of orphans than a chinese orphanage. I am not so sure. I have seen two foster homes and investigated several on the web and see a trend of more opening all the time. I have seen only a couple of orphanages years apart. The Chinese people love their children. The Chinese nannies do a pretty good job of caring for their charges and it is always a paid staff that cares for these kids. I have seen some not so gentle care and some unkindness but it was rare. Kids can be trying a times and some have real issues. Some are not so easy to love. The beautiful children/"cute ones" get more and better attention. It is a fact of life. Probably true of people in general but that is a long debate. I also think the people who were led to China and have foster homes are doing this for many and varied reasons.
They aren't sainted and they aren't sacrificing and they live good lives full of purpose.

After spending a little time with these children their personalities shine out and that is when you will fall in love not their looks. Once that happens you begin to notice all the little characteristics that make them who they are. The sweet smile, the cheeky giggle, the way she likes to hug and how hard he tries to please you.

I am glad there are places like this that try to do their very best and care for these orphans as best they can. Lots of children have received medical attention that they sorely needed. Some of it good and some not so good.
Plenty of people given a ton of money and lots of donated toys and clothes and medicines and food and strollers and all sorts. I have seen the store rooms packed to the rafters. America is still an incredibly wealthy country and immensely generous and they donate a huge amount. So does Britain and Australia and Canada and others including China.

We know how many so very sad people are waiting for families. We know what a change an adoption would make in the lives of these children and in the lives of the families waiting. Doesn't it seem a waste to create facilities to warehouse these kids instead of getting them homes? Especially since they say there are fewer children available for adoption now. Why does adoption take so long? It shouldn't take years and years. They should be coming from China, from Ethiopia, from Haiti and all the other stricken parts of our sorry old world. It isn't hard. A child with no parents wants parents....a Mom and Dad or either or. A man or a woman wants a child. And these waiting parents are paying and paying a lot.

The wasted potential is heart breaking. I would rather take the money used for creating these foster homes and direct it toward getting the children adopted. I don't mind that I don't have any photographs of my girls before they were one , or in Grace's case before she was 4. They are here with us and in a family that loves them warts and all and will always love and be there for them. They are getting an education and have bright futures. There potential is being realized. So I will sacrifice the scrapbooks for their future and document their growing up in photos with their family in their home.

And I weary of people fawning over the kids. Oh they are so cute, so pretty, so adorable............when some are clearly not and yet you can look into their eyes and see a light shining. They want to be loved and to learn and to have all the opportunity we take for granted and to have some one get to know them for who they are not just for what they look like. Home and love are very special words.

I am on a rant and my heart is sore. I am having a hard time expressing what it is I want to say. We don't live in a perfect world and everything isn't pretty. We pussy foot around and try to be politically correct. We are told it is up to the Chinese government and we can't do anything. Surely, at least, we can talk about it and keep asking why?

I miss those dear children of Hope....and Starfish. I imagine what they are doing every day. I will wonder what became of them often.

Thank you for following along on both or our Return to China blogs. They will stand as a constant reminder to us and maybe some day we will be able to share them with the friends we made along the way.

Goodbye.Zai Jian.


lyndsey&kevin said...

Thanks for sharing your journey to China again, I really enjoyed reading the entries and seeing the pics. I hope to do the same one day with our children back to Ethiopia.

C'est moi said...

Bless you for what you do for these children. I'm sure it makes a huge difference in their lives. I wish we could be one of those families welcoming them home but unfortunately it's not in the cards for us. Maybe someday we can go and help for a while as you have done.